Dear, beloved ones
This writing I dedicate for all of you who read this and are trying to find your own happiness, no matter you are in good or bad. No matter who you really are. Here I am writing to you not because I am not happy, but because I want to be happy together with all of you. I want us to be happy, to be healthy mentally, together. 'Cause I know we are deserved for a healthy and happy life, you're deserved it. So please find a good time to read this. If possible when you are alone, do not need a quite place, if you are just like me who can be alone anywhere, even in a crowd, it is okay. You know what's best for you.
Here we go.
It was all started when I did a self-experiment. What experiment? Yes. Find happiness when I thought it was almost impossible to be happy at that time. I believe, all of us, every human being in this planet, ever felt empty, not enough, lonely, sucks, 'what the hell is going on', such bad ideas and feelings knocking our head. Trust me, I know how does it feel. I know how bad life was at that time. But back to classic quote, that life without problems is sucks, too.
Let me give you a story of mine, when I almost couldn't realise that actually happiness was so near.
At that time, that was the lowest moment in my life, I could say. I never felt that kind of things happened in my beautiful life. First, a company I worked in, I had good job, position, salary (at least enough for now), had a good team, colleagues, it had to stopped operated because of unexpected conditions we, as employees, couldn't have authority to fix. Then at that time I couldn't find a new work as such fast, because it was a low-season for company's recruitment. Financially speaking, I decided such a few years ago, that I wouldn't ask for money anymore to my parents. I wanted to be financially independent. Because I have wants, I have dreams, I want to make my parents happy with my own hands. I didn't feel it burdens me, it's automatically already an obligation for me as a first child in family, who, in my ages, should've finished my study, should've given the best thing I could have as an academician. But yet, this one thing I haven't finished to afford it. I am still in the middle of struggling to decide my future in my university. I do really want to get my degree, work properly, and take Master. Like my parents dream about. Like what I ever dreamed about. Second, the common sense's speaking I should have a person or some people that I could count to be a good listener for me, to accompany me passing this. But, it was just a wish list that God had not wanted to fulfil it yet. Then I suddenly remember about him, a person that ever been on my side, no matter I was good or bad. My ex. We decided to separate because it had to. We did it nicely, very nicely. There was nothing wrong to be a reason. It was just as it should. I did really want to call him, because I remembered he ever said to me whenever I needed him, he would be there as a friend for me. But I ever tried to contact him a year ago, such few months after we broke up, but he never even picked my phone calls. So I decided to not contact him anymore, to forget what I should forget, to continue my life without depending on him. And from all above, I accepted. I had to accept. Acceptance gives us relief. Time flies, I accepted. I did it. There is no hate, because I accept.
In other time, I had a best friend, 6-year-friendship, but unexpectedly, his girlfriend who I just knew for couple of days at the time, got jealous with me, so badly, and asked my friend to stay away from me. For God's sake, I wanted to laugh, but that's life. I got the consequence for something I've never done. Just because my friend gave his attention to me as his best friend, nothing serious between us unless friendship. And since I didn't want to be in the middle of drama, I stepped back. It is his life. What it has to be for him, it will be. But if it never meant to be him, it won't be. So I surrendered by God and time.
Another story kept going on. Really knocked my life hardly. I knew a person. A writer. We became a good friend. I found my comfort zone on him. He is so mature, he could make me relief. And then I started to keep looking for him. It was wrong. I was wrong. I thought I had fallen my decision in a right person already, but yet it hasn't. Recently I got a neglect from him about my messages. You know, how bad does it feel? When the only thing you want is a friend you can talk with. But God still sends me no one.
Then, what do you think I did when I got all of above? Cried. Yes. It is normal. Cry because you have to. Cry because you want to heal. Cry because you know after that you'll be fine. Cry only for a reason that after this you have to stand up and look around you, find the hidden happiness. It shouldn't be something big. Because happiness doesn't look by the size.
Happiness is when you give a happiness for others. Happiness is when you really want to be listened, but God still sends you no one, you must be a good listener for somebody who needs you. Your happiness isn't lost. It is still there, waiting for you to be grabbed. But hang on, be patient. Talk to God like you always need Him. Cry if you need to cry, but cry for the goodness after, for believing it. Then after that, smile. Don't lose your smile and say to yourself, that you'll be fine, that you just need to accept, that you just need to be sincere, that you just need to pass this. Don't run away, because it always follows you, unless you finish it. Pick options that has already in front of you, and then do it as your best. It maybe not something you really dream about, but if it is, it will lead you to a way of your dream. And the last, put you hand on people's hand who need you the most. 'Cause maybe you'll find your happiness there. I am here for you. You are not alone.
